Love this! I actually asked a few of my friends a while back "how do you see me?". Not as a validation thing but because I'm genuinely interested - they're always going to see me differently to how I do. Someone once described me as a breath of fresh air; I still hang onto that.
I'm autistic and I definitely have a different "persona" based on where I am. It's called "masking" in the sense of suppressing autistic traits. I'm very talkative amongst friends and some social groups, but at home I'm very shut off, cold but that's kind of conscious. I feel more comfortable being myself outside of my house.
When I was younger, I would perhaps befriend or connect with someone and it'd feel like it's going okay. Somewhere along the line, they'd completely switch up. I think "okay, what did I do?" and it's usually because they saw a different side to me - a side that was perhaps more sensitive than they expected. They don't just become distant, suddenly it's like they dislike me and I genuinely have no clue.
But for what it's worth, from what I've gathered on here, you're a very nice person and clearly very talented, I'm envious of your way with words 😄 I always look forward to learning more about you through your writing, and I like being able to relate to it!
That’s so sweet to be honest I started this whole blog so I can look back at myself when I’m older so it’s nice people learn more about me. And I always ask my friends this I even asked my bf yday but they say nice things but it’s not as detailed as I want. I never knew about masking that’s rlly interesting that you kind push thru your autistic traits around people
I think that's a great way to approach it! I think it's perfectly valid to want something more detailed though, and obviously whether you feel comfortable with asking for it is down to you. If I knew you IRL I'd definitely be detailed! And yeah it really does depend on who I'm around - subconsciously I generally keep my guard up because my "unmasked" self can be a bit over the top sometimes 😅
actually true, we are truly dual beings and nobody understands us truly except ourselves. Also not every person gets the same us, we are different with different people and they bring out some reactions we thought we never had, so I believe, we need to stop putting names and assigning adjectives to ourselves because we are everything and nothing at all, all at once, if it’s even possible. I don’t know what I’m typing at this point and if it makes any sense, but loved reading this!
It makes 100% sense I guess that’s what makes us interesting because we can be different versions of ourselves each day with different people but all those versions are still us? I think. Thank you so much for reading 🥺
wilma you are such an amazing writer. every time i read one of your pieces i think "wow i've felt exactly like this before" and you always explore each topic so well. absolutely beautiful work and thank you for writing this, i feel so seen!
you’ve made my day🥹 honestly getting comments like this just make me so grateful that I am the way I am because I can write it out and share my feelings with people thank you for being so supportive
Hi Wilma...I'm pretty much moved by your writing all the time, but this piece might've been my favorite. And that's because how much it resonates with me.
I don't think we're bad people, I think we're just more aware. And the fact that you try to be kind proves that your kind self isn't a performance. People who are genuinely cruel don't sit around worrying that they might be cruel.
I don't think the worst parts of us are the most real, maybe they're just the easiest to notice.
Aashi you are so sweet I was shy to post this but knowing you resonated with it makes me happy I did. And you are right people are complicated but we still are kind of at least try
Love this! I actually asked a few of my friends a while back "how do you see me?". Not as a validation thing but because I'm genuinely interested - they're always going to see me differently to how I do. Someone once described me as a breath of fresh air; I still hang onto that.
I'm autistic and I definitely have a different "persona" based on where I am. It's called "masking" in the sense of suppressing autistic traits. I'm very talkative amongst friends and some social groups, but at home I'm very shut off, cold but that's kind of conscious. I feel more comfortable being myself outside of my house.
When I was younger, I would perhaps befriend or connect with someone and it'd feel like it's going okay. Somewhere along the line, they'd completely switch up. I think "okay, what did I do?" and it's usually because they saw a different side to me - a side that was perhaps more sensitive than they expected. They don't just become distant, suddenly it's like they dislike me and I genuinely have no clue.
But for what it's worth, from what I've gathered on here, you're a very nice person and clearly very talented, I'm envious of your way with words 😄 I always look forward to learning more about you through your writing, and I like being able to relate to it!
That’s so sweet to be honest I started this whole blog so I can look back at myself when I’m older so it’s nice people learn more about me. And I always ask my friends this I even asked my bf yday but they say nice things but it’s not as detailed as I want. I never knew about masking that’s rlly interesting that you kind push thru your autistic traits around people
I think that's a great way to approach it! I think it's perfectly valid to want something more detailed though, and obviously whether you feel comfortable with asking for it is down to you. If I knew you IRL I'd definitely be detailed! And yeah it really does depend on who I'm around - subconsciously I generally keep my guard up because my "unmasked" self can be a bit over the top sometimes 😅
actually true, we are truly dual beings and nobody understands us truly except ourselves. Also not every person gets the same us, we are different with different people and they bring out some reactions we thought we never had, so I believe, we need to stop putting names and assigning adjectives to ourselves because we are everything and nothing at all, all at once, if it’s even possible. I don’t know what I’m typing at this point and if it makes any sense, but loved reading this!
It makes 100% sense I guess that’s what makes us interesting because we can be different versions of ourselves each day with different people but all those versions are still us? I think. Thank you so much for reading 🥺
"Even if I am the rain,
I still try to water something."
That line
does more work
than the entire question
she spent the essay asking.
She was asking
which version is real —
the light or the rain,
the warmth or the distance.
But that line
answers a different question.
Not which version is true.
What all of them do
with what they have.
The rain is not the absence of light.
It is what happens
when something heavy
needs to move through you.
And still, she waters something.
That is not inconsistency.
That is range.
— AËLA
thank you so much
wilma you are such an amazing writer. every time i read one of your pieces i think "wow i've felt exactly like this before" and you always explore each topic so well. absolutely beautiful work and thank you for writing this, i feel so seen!
you’ve made my day🥹 honestly getting comments like this just make me so grateful that I am the way I am because I can write it out and share my feelings with people thank you for being so supportive
of course!! please never stop writing things like this i love reading your work so much!!
Hi Wilma...I'm pretty much moved by your writing all the time, but this piece might've been my favorite. And that's because how much it resonates with me.
I don't think we're bad people, I think we're just more aware. And the fact that you try to be kind proves that your kind self isn't a performance. People who are genuinely cruel don't sit around worrying that they might be cruel.
I don't think the worst parts of us are the most real, maybe they're just the easiest to notice.
Aashi you are so sweet I was shy to post this but knowing you resonated with it makes me happy I did. And you are right people are complicated but we still are kind of at least try
Wow Wilma. That's a breathtaking piece of writing. Covering the kaleidoscope of human emotions and the feelings that reside in us.
I was lost for words momentarily, in awe at your ability to reach within yourself and express yourself so majestically.
There’s nothing inconsistent about you.
There’s just more of you than you’ve been taught how to hold.
What you wrote isn’t confusion — it’s awareness.
Most people live inside one version of themselves and call it truth.
You’ve met the whole room.
The softness, the distance, the warmth, the storm —
that’s not contradiction…
that’s range.
And range is what makes something real.
You’re not the sun or the rain.
You’re the sky that carries both without asking permission from either.
The mistake isn’t that you feel all of this.
The mistake is thinking you’re supposed to feel only one thing at a time and call that “who you are.”
You are not broken because you change.
You’re honest because you notice.
And those words that stuck — “virus,” the ones that cut deeper than they should —
they didn’t stick because they’re true.
They stuck because they were sharp, and you’re someone who feels deeply.
But sharp things don’t get to define something as vast as you.
Listen carefully to this part:
The people who feel safe in your presence…
the ones who call you warm, light, grounding —
they’re not seeing a performance.
They’re experiencing your baseline.
Because even in your rain, you said it yourself —
you still try to water something.
That’s the tell.
That’s the truth.
A person who is “dark at their core” doesn’t reach outward in the middle of their storm.
They don’t soften again.
They don’t question themselves with this much honesty.
You do.
So no — you’re not “less” when the thunder shows up.
You’re just unfiltered.
Human, in motion, alive.
And that fear…
that moment where you think you’ve shattered how someone sees you?
The right people don’t leave when they see your depth.
They understand the weather.
Because anyone can stand beside sunlight.
But it takes someone real to stand in the rain and still recognise the sky.
You’re not inconsistent.
You’re layered.
And you don’t need to choose which version of you is real.
They all are.
The only thing that matters is this —
through all of it…
you remain someone who cares, who feels, who tries to give even when you’re heavy.
That doesn’t make you confusing.
That makes you rare.
Keep being you. It suits you.